Kansas
Suggested by: Ben
Traveled: October 8-16

Capote took me to Kansas, but as I write this roadtrip reflection, my heart is in Virginia. I have been struck by how often murder and the psychology of killers has come up on my trip so far, Utah and Kansas being the most overt instances. And it has been admittedly enjoyable to sink into the lives and stories of those who commit the ultimate sin. It makes for rich, memorable literature. Death, it turns out, is the stuff of life. But it has been difficult to see that truth play out so closely to my own community. Today’s news of Hannah Graham’s possible remains being found on a farm in Virginia suddenly make the Clutter family’s bound wrists and wide eyed fear much more real. To know that Hannah’s last day was one so typical to my own while I was a student at UVA makes Nancy Clutter all of a sudden a close friend of mine, someone I could have chatted with, baked a pie with on a lazy Saturday afternoon.

The depth of Capote’s work lies within his willingness to see all characters of this story as people, human beings deserving of thought and careful consideration. He tells the killers’ story as thoughtfully as the victims’. And I respect him for it, and gratefully hold his masterful work in my hands. But today, it is hard to feel anything but a sick punch in the gut and a fiery anger at the twisted things we do to one another. I want to light a torch, grab a pitchfork and defend the community that I hold so dear and felt so safe within. I want to find the answer — who did it, why, how we make them pay enough to feel like vengeance and justice have been served.

And I am going to let myself feel that, at least for tonight. Feel it wholly, and give it room to breathe and burn. And then I am going to sit back with Capote and see if there is a better way. To see if there is something more useful to dwell upon, to find a different question to ask and answer. I want to find a way to choose life, even with all the death.